Posted by: purityseekers | November 11, 2006

Speaking from my heart…

I was going to add a post with some pix of my kids and what we've been up to lately… but I guess I have lots on my heart that I want to share and would love others to comment to let me know if they feel any of the same things these days or if they think I am completely out of line.  Please be honest.

Let me start out by saying that I am a very passionate person.  I am laughing because the people that know me well will say “ya think????” haha  It is obvious that I am not shy to speak how I feel about things.  I speak my convictions about homeschooling, non-vaccinating, cloth diapering, organic eating, etc. etc. etc. because that is my personality.

But… along with being passionate… I also have a depth of caring about people that I have now more than ever. 

Have I ever said or done anything out of just being “I am right and they are wrong and I need to state my case because I am RIGHT!!!!” ????  Sure I have.  haha.  I am the first to admit I am human and have had a very self-righteous attitude at many times in my life.  I am thankful to say that God has changed me drastically over the last few…um… I'd say years or something… but literally maybe months???  Maybe even more so “days”.   Something just dawned on me the other day as I was watching one of the “Way of the Master” DVD's.  I view my purpose on this earth way different than I did even last week!  I am here to help bring people into having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ… or to have a stronger relationship with Him.  That really is it in a nutshell.  I'm not here to make as many friends as I can possible make… or to walk on pins and needles so I don't upset anyone and cause them to not be around me.

Now onto one specific thing that's been on my mind because of a conversation with a friend.  (who I am sure will read this at some point and hope, like I've said to her already, that she knows I love her and just have a deep passion not just for my beliefs and convictions… but for those I DO love)

God led me to homeschool before my first child was born.  My pastor was father to 6 homeschooled children and I had never met anyone that homeschooled before.  There was just something about his children that was different from other children I knew and I knew I wanted my kids to have that “something” I saw.  So… that was the start of my God guided life as a homeschool Mom.

Ever since having my son and then really making the decision to homeschool… I have been vocal about it to all who know me.  (Most being present or former public school families, to be honest)

I've heard it all… from people saying I need to be more careful how I say things to those who don't homeschool so I don't offend anyone… to hearing “wow… I wish I could but I can't do it… I'm not disciplined enough”.  I've heard each spectrum many times.

In my heart I've known I just need to stand up for what I believe and not tiptoe around… speaking the truth in love (and I understand sometimes it hasn't really been out of love) BUT… knowing that my heart has always been in the right place… THIS is my frustration at this point in my life.

I thought a lot about it today… and this is my grandious conclusion…haha.  My biggest frustration is that in all of my years of being a homeschool advocate… never have I had anyone try to convince me to public school.  Am I being self-righteous saying this??  I don't know… maybe I am.  But… it's just a fact.  Never have I heard anyone say “I fear your children are in harms way being kept at home”.  Some have said the typical “what about socialization???” which I have a good response for that ends that subject pretty fast.  But aside from that… I get nothing but people trying to defend public school and getting upset that I don't understand them or lack respect or something.

I've been asked to have the same respect…that if someone understands where I stand… I need to understand where they stand.  I honestly have to say that I don't.  I respect them… but honestly don't understand sometimes.  If I said otherwise…I would be lying.

Am I wrong to want a completely honest relationship with my friends?  Am I wrong to be passionate about how God has convicted me?  I never tell my friends they need to homeschool or else!  I never expect my friends to tell me how wonderful it is that I homeschool or else I won't be their friend!  I just want a good line of open communication and real depth to my friendships.

If it isn't there… then I question the friendship.  I just know the closest friends I have know where I stand… I know where they stand… and we just smile at the future as friends that can be honest with each other in love.  We look back and see how we've grown together and have gotten to the point of just being honest and respecting each other. 

Does anyone out there know where I am coming from???

After watching the DVD's “Way of the Master”… I just have a deeper understanding of Jesus.  I have been a Christian for many, many years… and never have I looked at Jesus in the way I am looking at Him now.

That fictious story of the firefighter really hit me hard.  If he could sit there and watch a family burn and not do anything about it… and I'd say he should get life in prison for his sins… how can I just sit back and let those I love do anything that could cause hurt or anything negative enter their lives without speaking my mind???  I fear for the youth and their salvation due to being peer dependant day after day.  It would be much easier to lose our children to the world by subjecting them to the world without us for long periods of time, day after day.  Do I feel the public school can cause negative things for children?  Absolutely.  Do I think homeschooling can cause those same things?  Absolutely not.  I can't guarantee my children's salvation… but I can keep them safe from the world as long as possible.

Would I be lying if I said that I don't have concern for my friends who allow their children a public school education?  Yes!!  I DO have concern… good founded concern.  I even think…that if most of those people searched their hearts… they also have concern. 

I find it hard because if I state concerns and ask them about them… I am being rude or causing offense or not understanding.  But if people tell me their concerns about homeschooling… I just answer them and stand strong about our decision.  Then I just go on with my life knowing what we are doing is good.  That is why I question how much Christians that choose to send their kids to be educated by the world… really trust their decision.  If they did… I'd hear more of them speaking positive and standing strong and not getting offended.

Part of me fears that I'll lose friends by speaking from my heart… but then the new part of me that isn't supposed to fear says “well… at least I know in my heart that I have tried to spare them the heartache that could come from the decision they have made”.  I don't want my friends to feel like I am always feeling like they are insane for their decision… I just want my friends to know I love them and their children and know how God has convicted me of so many things and I want to share my fears with them.

UGH… why do I want to delete this whole post so I don't step on anyone's toes??? 

Well… I just read this to my husband after it sat here on the computer all day… and he said to send it… so here goes!

In Christ, B

 

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Responses

  1. dear bridget
    i really enjoy your blog and i loved tonights post too. very honest and i am not in your shoes but i can see similarities to my life now. i have 3 under 4 and have decided with dh blessing to homeschool (dh is not a christian). i was a public school teacher, my mother in love also as was my mum and dad but they decided at no. 7 baby to homeschool. i have been in 2 minds as a christian (as for a very long time!) and a teacher as to schooling. and since i live in a small town where probably noone else homeschools- i have warned my dh we will be seen as “weirdos”. this does not frighten either of us of but the thought of all the questions that we will encounter has made me really examine my desire to do otherwise and i like you really wish that others could see the results of public schooling. having been in it for a long time and have just started reading the bluedorns book about teaching the trivium it has shown me that i have such humanistic views on so many things- not Gods views but the worlds so how to i set an example by my actions when i reflect society in what i do and the decisions that i make? i know that i will struggle with humanism (i AM human) for my whole life but i want to give my children a head start and protect them (at least for a while) from that full on, deceived and sinful view of the world. so what i am trying to say is that our choice to homeschool is one way to show the world that we are different – for the Lord and because of the Lord which i guess is an opener to witness and if we fail to be honest in our answers when asked then we are failing in our calling to bring the glory to God in all that we do. i just pray that i am stong enough to be honest and that my tendency to NOT tred on toes and protect others worldly feelings would prevent me in my witness esp to close family. sometimes NO now i can truly see how damaging school is not to the human person but to their true calling as a christian in giving God the glory and evidencing in our lives that we LOVE Him and want to please Him in all that we do. school takes that away from you i think to a very large extent. anyway i have blathered on long enough. Your honesty is an evidence of your love of the Lord and dont ever let HUMANS take that away from you because that would be a sin. people/ humans can choose to listen to you or not just as they did with Jesus in His lifetime on earth. you are doing your job and well! keep it up
    prayers and love pauline in australia
    ps thank you for reminding me that i need to keep the same focus when i answer the critics i will have of being a homeschooler- for the LORD!!! :o)

  2. I totally understand where you are coming from, and how you feel. Just this last summer before school started, we had some friends tell us how stressed out they were, trying to find a school for their girls to go to because they don’t trust the public school in our city. After the mom had told me all of her fears, she then remembered that we homeschool. I just told her, I wouldn’t know. I should have had more bravery and tell her all about our homeschool, but I didn’t. Often I will hear of a family that is thinking about homeschooling, but then they never do. I am like you though, and am getting to the point where I just want to shake all of the christians who use the public school system, and tell them about how much danger they are putting their children in. I don’t see how any christian in our era can put their children in public school with a clean conscience.

    Ali

  3. It’s been awile since Ive commented but Im still a faithful reader of your blog! I enjoyed reading this post very much, I too, am a very passionate person but not always good at expressing this passion properly;0)
    Just yesterday I had to take something in to my oldest daughter’s school for her that she had forgotten and just the attitude that I got from the office workers was terrible,it was like I was really bothering them and not one smile the entire time I was there. I felt so bad that I hadnt made the decision to homeschool sooner. My 4 yr old son , Gage, was with me and said, “Mom what is this place?” and I said,”its a place where you’ll never have to come.” To which he replied,”Thanks Mom”.
    ~God Bless~Krystal


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